300 the movie

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Watching 300 is like watching a high school play with an unlimited special effects and choreography budget. The movie itself is beautiful, like watching high contrast photography come to life. The action, while nothing we haven’t seen before, is suitably vicious and gory. The men…well, I’ll leave that to fags and women to talk about.

While the movie was a treat for the eyes, the story, as I feared it would be, was painfully weak and the acting can be boiled down to a series of either yelling (THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAAAA) or homoerotic coercion (All I ask is that you kneeeeel, yesss, that’s right, get on your kneeeeeees). 300 lacks the grandeur and epic proportions of movies like Troy or even Braveheart, but maybe it was never meant to be such. I’m only disappointed because I’ve loved this historic battle for the longest time, and I just really felt the movie didn’t do it much justice. It’s just another action movie set in olden times, like Apocalypto.

It also bothered me immensely the kinds of creative license Frank Miller took with his costume designs. The Spartans didn’t just fight in their briefs, they actually wore armour. The Persian Immortals did not look like hybrid samurai-ninjas in black, and weren’t deformed. In fact, many in the Immortals were the flower of Persian and Medean nobility, and they wore clothing nothing like Miller’s Immortals. Miller’s were scarier to look at though, I’ll give you that. And don’t even get me started on bisexual god-dess Xerxes. Seriously, what? Watch Alexander again, if you want to know what the Persians would have looked like.

Still, despite all this, I’d pay good coin to watch 300 again if they ever bring it over to the Mall of Asia’s imax theater.

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20 Responses to “300 the movie”

  1. the spartans in his comic didnt have underwear *shiver*. I doubt they can show the movie like that =)).

  2. >The Persian Immortals did not look like hybrid samurai-ninjas in black, and weren’t deformed. In fact, many in the Immortals were the flower of Persian and Medean nobility, and they wore clothing nothing like Miller’s Immortals. Miller’s were scarier to look at though, I’ll give you that. And don’t even get me started on bisexual god-dess Xerxes.

    I’m pretty sure of the lack of historical accuracy as well. I got through that by thinking the story is from the perspective of the Spartan, Delios. If he wanted to make Xerxes a bi freak and the Persian army a bunch of deformed monsters, then I suppose Delios told the story in this manner to raise the troops’ morale. “We killed thousands of monsters though there be only 300 of us unarmored but brave soldiers! How much more now that there are 10,000 of us plus the armies of those Athenian boy lovers!”

  3. I really liked 300, but I had no expectations and no fangirl knowledge beforehand, so 😉

  4. blah blah blah…all i can think about is the yummy bodies! were those really real?!

  5. yeah those were real. they had to train like madmen to do it.

  6. mike:you have a point. I guess I’m just too much of a history geek to let it go but like i said i enjoyed the movie anyway.

    Oh just one more thing though. All that talk about the phalanx and they only used it properly once or twice. Then it was one on one hand to hand combat. sheesh. Leonidas shoulda just let Ephialtes fight and die, might have bought them more time.

  7. Personally, I enjoyed the popcorn flick that it turned out to be, though it seems weird (nice observation, Ryan) to see all that hand to hand combat, and very little of their feared Spartan phalanx. Oh, and did anyone notice the inordinate amount of posing and primping in this movie? Sigh. Never expect too much of a movie where slow motion is used in exactly the same way for both the battle and bedroom scenes. 🙂

  8. If I had abs like that I’d want to pose and primp in every frame.

    as for the history buffs,
    Remember we’re watching a movie adapted from a comic that the writer/ artist takes inspiration from another movie he saw as a kid. With that in mind, I think historical inaccuracy shouldnt be a point of criticism.

  9. if all u peoiple can talk about are fags and such maybe u should look in the mirror and think, “why do these thoughts keep coming up into my brain” dont complain about a good movie.

    -This is madness-

  10. I’ll bet anyone of you inbreed hillbilly obese homophobic individuals who are probably gay, but can’t admit it to yourselves, won’t get off your ass and out of your moms basement and go to the gym. You are only complaining about the guys in the movie because they look like what you can only dream of being and it hurts you deep down inside and I’m sure you where crying when you where sitting in the movie theater most likely eating your super size buttered popcorn with your “chilled” junior mints hearing all those girls saying ” Wow look those abs”

  11. I’ll bet anyone of you inbreed hillbilly obese homophobic individuals who are probably gay, but can’t admit it to yourselves, won’t get off your ass and out of your moms basement and go to the gym. You are only complaining about the guys in the movie because they look like what you can only dream of being and it hurts you deep down inside and I’m sure you where crying when you where sitting in the movie theater most likely eating your super size buttered popcorn with your “chilled” junior mints hearing all those girls saying ” Wow look at those abs”

  12. I’ll bet anyone of you inbreed hillbilly obese homophobic individuals who are probably gay, but can’t admit it to yourselves, won’t get off your ass and out of your moms basement and go to the gym. You are only complaining about the guys in the movie because they look like what you can only dream of being and it hurts you deep down inside and I’m sure you where crying when you where sitting in the movie theater most likely eating your super size buttered popcorn with your “chilled” junior mints hearing all those girls saying ” Wow look at those abs” Why don’t you do the world a favor either shape up or just go ahead and jump in front of a moving vehicle.

  13. Er. yeah. I’m gay, fat, and inbred. That’s why I didn’t like the movie, I shold’ve realized sooner. Thank you Frank Miller and Zack Snyder for helping me realize this!

  14. 300 told the story of thermopylae how I woulda told it if I was a spartan soldier.

    “They have served the dark will of Persian Kings for 500 years. Eyes as dark as night. Teeth filed to veins. Soul-less. The personal guard to King Xerxes himself. The persian warrior elite. The deadliest fighting force in all of asia. The Immortals.”

    …We put their name to the test. 🙂

    I still don’t get why some people cannot put aside their obsession with historical accuracy and look at this movie was what it so blatantly is. A mythical, comic book perspective of a historical war.

    Just like those british “Commando” comics portray the allies vs. the germans during world war II.

  15. It’s like this.

    When I read the”300″ graphic novel like 8 yeas ago or so, I was as enthralled as most people were from watching the movie. Frank Miller was my god. he Spartans were the coolest thing EVAR.

    But when I read more historically accurate accounts of the Spartans and the battle at Thermopylae, 300 paled in comparison. It’s one of those cases where I wish I didn’t know any better, because I would have enjoyed the movie so much more.

  16. I have to say right now that who ever wrote this artical is a f-ing dumb ass. This movie was created for one reason only…entertainment. It was never intended to be an show on the History Channel and if you see it to be anything else your a retard.

  17. The writer of this ARTICLE spells better than you and expressed an opinion on the internet over a movie that he liked, but wished it had been based on more interesting source material.

    Never mind. i shouldnt waste time responding to someone who can’t even spell properly.

  18. ok. so for ALL u guys either for or against the “historical inaccuracy” of the movie, i have a couple things to say. i am one of the guys who loves ancient history and battles such as these and wars in ancient times. i love them. they fasinate me. BUT i also enjoy a good moviem whatever the genre is. guys just effin lighten up. first of al, its a DOUBLE interperatation of a freakin comic book! and the guys who first told the story back in 480 bc probably didnt hit the nail on the head, because the Spartan who was sent back to tell the story wasnt there for the whole freakin thing.

    Frank Miller did an awesome job portraying his COMIC BOOK interperatation of the famous battle and its warriors. come on guys lets be serious. O AND TO THE GUY WHO WROTE THE ARTICLE……WHEN U SAID THAT 300 DIDNT HAVE THE EPIC PROPORTIONS SUCH AS TROY……buddy, the entire movie was shot in one studio, which amazes me. the cinematography was astounding. and AND I WATCHED TROY TWO DAYS AGO AND THEY PORTRAYED PATROCOLUS AS HIS COUSIN. he wasnt. he was ACHILLES’S LOVER. he was a homo. yes. he was. and he didnt go back to fight cuz hois cousin died, he went back because he lost his male lover. and the movie depicted the war lasting only 3 days or so. THE SEIGE LASTED 10 FREAKIN YEARS. and the acting was horrible too, and the trojans looked like little tards with those helmets on. AND u guys all think about the gay guys and how they look like. your gay. alot of people in history were gay. alot. Alexander the Great was gay, LEONARDO DA VINCI, many composers in the classical era, and many more that might just be rumors, but maybe not. who cares about what the actors looked like in the movie. and one of u guys is right, this isnt a freakin history channell presentation. its a movie. movie. MOVIE!!!!!!!! entertaining MOVIE!!!! my god guys get your heads out of your asses and look at the bright side, your STILL living with your moms.

  19. Troy = epic proportions, epic battles, meh acting. Brad Pitt made Achilles look and sound like a lost california surfer boy.

    Look, I’ll let go of the historical accuracy. I get it. OK? The movie just wasn’t compelling, and the story’s really, really weak. Once you read more material, you’ll all realize just how weak 300’s story is.

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