Jumper is barely tolerable

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I was one of those people who believed that Hayden Christensen’s awful acting in the newer Star Wars trilogy was due to George Lucas’ awful directing and hammy writing. I was only half right. Christensen proved all his critics right with this movie, and joins fellow actor Keanu Reeves in the “monotones only action heroes” club. He’s awful, just plain awful. He can’t even narrate well. There is no inflection in his voice and so you’re never sure whether he’s mad, sad, horny or angry, and your only clue is the shape his mouth makes. Also, Samuel L. Jackson looks like Sisqo.

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I imagine the book must have been much better, but the plot just flits along too conveniently for my taste. Christensen’s apartment is full of pictures. When Sisqo Samuel L attacks him, a fight ensues and he barely escapes with his life. While looking amongst the rubble and licking his wounds, Samuel L find a few photos, chances upon a random one of a girl in a bowling alley and announces “well, who’s THIS?”. Cut to scene of Christensen going back to his hometown to hook up with said girl, whom he had a crush on since he was 5. Am I scaring you yet? Stay away from this movie. The special effects aren’t that great, and certainly not worth the price of entry. Do yourselves a favor and watch Juno or There will be blood. If I had friends with taste that’s what we would’ve watched tonight.

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5 Comments to “Jumper is barely tolerable”

  1. Fuck You for bashing Keanu Reeves.

  2. You REALLY think he’s talented?

  3. I can’t tell whether Lo is kidding or not.

    Hayden has exactly one facial expression, like Zoolander.

  4. except zoolander was funny.

  5. i don’t know but don’t use bad words please because people will not respect my website.
    thank you

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